Hoping for Outrage?

As you may or may not know, Florida State University will be hosting a benefit concert to celebrate the launch of T-Pain's If I Could Change the World Foundation. The show is being billed as "Come To the Crib, Pt II with T-Pain and Friends". One of the friends, and apparently one of the first to get on board, is Chris Brown.

I bristled a little at the suggestion at first, anticipating some resistance from our student body. But the announce date came and went, and nothing happened. The onsale date came and went, and nothing happened. And after seeing this link, posted by Kathy Petras in the wake of his Grammy performance, I started to wonder:

"Why isn't anything happening?"

Chris Brown is a polarizing figure in the aftermath of his very public battery charge three years ago, and I could absolutely understand outrage that would result from the announcement to bring him to Tallahassee at the end of the month. However, I'm having a hard time with the fact that there's no outrage. For an institution that so prides itself on building the moral character of students, why isn't there more concern? Why hasn't anyone spoken up?

This isn't about whether or not he should be forgiven for what he's done; that's a separate discussion. This is about the fact that I'm surprised at our students for not asking the question.

11 Things! (Megan Made Me Do It)

Rules
1. Post these rules.
2. You must post 11 random things about yourself.
3. Answer the questions set for you in their post.
4. Create 11 new questions for the people you tag to answer.
5. Go to their blog and tell them that you’ve tagged them.
6. No stuff in the tagging section about you are tagged if you are reading this. You legitimately have to tag 11 people.

My 11 Randoms

1. From the ages of 5 until roughly 17, I hated dresses. Be it nervousness about having the hems pulled up over my head, as happened in preschool shortly before my decision to swear them off, or their interference with my otherwise athletic lifestyle, they were not my thing. But as I matured, and started to see them as a way of life for women (and a great alternative to having to make sure my shirt and pants matched), I'm coming around.
2. Related point: I match my undergarments to what's being worn over them. Yes, that means I have many different colors of underwear. And no, I don't know why I do this.
3. I love classical music. Legitimately, and in a nerdy fashion. I listen to it in my office at work, while I read or study, and often just for fun. In fact, if I'm watching a movie I particularly like the score for, I will hum the score where most people would just say lines.
4. I have been a movie buff since I was very young. Like Don Draper, I "see everything". Favorites include An American in Paris (all time) and A Beautiful Mind/Midnight in Paris (made in my lifetime)
5. I have a hate/love relationship with running. I say that because I hated it first. I started running cross country in the seventh grade. The younger, huskier version of me absolutely detested it. But as I got older and wanted to avoid coming an even huskier version of myself, I took it up and expected to endure it. But I did more than endure it, I loved it.
6. Part of the reason I hated it so much was the toll that it took on my joints. As a former dancer and gymnast, I have problems with both knees, my left ankle and left shoulder. It's complicated other sports, but running was the only sport that I've ever cared to resolve these problems for.
   
7. As the above might indicate, I am a sports lefty but a natural righty.
8. I love to travel, but have not done it as much as I'd like since college. I'd like to explore more of the US, and am looking for any opportunity to do so soon.
   
9. I am an avid reader, and have been since I started reading at age 3 and a half. Yep, you read that right. Favorite book? The Diaries of Adam and Eve by Mark Twain. Least favorite book: The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver (which I strongly maintain is because of the way it was taught).
10. I have worn glasses at two separate points in my life. From ages 2-6, I wore glasses to correct eye drift, a common ailment of babies born prematurely, as I was. At 6, I was told that I didn't need them anymore. But after having trouble driving at night, I went back to the doctor at 22, where I was told that I should have been wearing them all along. Whoops. However, they are only corrective in one eye. So if anyone finds a retailer that has a monocle, let me know. I've been looking for ages.
11. I hated chocolate until I was 21. Now I love it. Life's weird sometimes.

And now, to answer the questions posed by Megan:

1. What is one thing you regret doing/not doing? I regret not spending my fourth year in college. I was able to graduate early, but then spent the following year not working, but stressing out about not having a job. But the course of my life is pretty cool, so it's hard to regret it too much.

2. Do you have any tattoos? Of what? And where? I have 3. My first I got in 2005, of a black star (for the Ghana flag) on my right hip. I followed it up two years later with an anchor (for the Rhode Island flag) on my left hip. And in January of 2011 I got a tandem tattoo with my sister, of the words "Watch the Sky" on our right feet. It is printed on a staff; mine is preceded with a bass clef, hers with a treble clef.

3. If you could travel anywhere right now, with an unlimited budget, where would you go? Brooklyn, NY, and use that unlimited money to take sabbatical there.

4. Early bird or night owl? Night owl by nature, early bird for the opportunity it affords me to spend time in solitude.

5. What is your favorite activity for stress relief? Running, or baths. Are baths an activity?

6. Childhood hero? My dad. That remains, though he now has to share the title with Michelle Obama.

7. What is one item from your life bucket list you'd like to get done this year? Visit as many states as possible (I'm going to NY, NC, SC, TX, and CO so far!).

8. The worst place you've ever been to? Plant City, FL. For a variety of reasons.

9. What is your favorite fruit? Mango!

10. If you could go back to college, what would you major in? Nutrition or public health, it would make some eventual career moves far easier!

11. Dream job? Student affairs professional in the area of wellness education and programming, and eventual professor in student affairs.

And now, for those who get the task next...here's what you'll have to answer:

1. What was your favorite toy as a child?
2. What was your favorite movie as a child?
3. Who do you talk to first when you have a problem?
4. What is your least favorite vegetable?
5. What makes you smile?
6. What makes you frown?
7. What is your favorite smell?
8. Where is your favorite place in the world?
9. How do you take "yourself" to your office (in what ways are you most yourself at work)?
10. What actor or actress would play you in your life story?
11. What actor or actress would play your best friend in your life story?

Finding Myself in a Book

A great book that I read late last year was Look Me In The Eye, by John Elder Robison (the Aspergian younger brother of Augusten Burroughs). And one of the parts that stood out to me most vividly was his realization and coming-to-terms process of Asperger's syndrome. He was nearly forty by the time he was given a diagnosis, but he describes such a feeling of relief, of deep understanding, about aspects of his personality that he never understood before. He had recognized that they were different, but finally had a way to attribute them to something, a reason he was the way he was.

While there are always perils of such classifications (I am of the belief that we have more people with many diseases, syndromes, and concerns, because we have names for them know where there weren't before), it's nice to know that there are reasons we are the way we are.

I had a similar realization last year in the form of Emmons' The Chemistry of Calm, which discusses the biological causes, and some natural remedies for, chronic anxiety. I'm presently coming down from a similar moment with Susan Cain's Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can't Stop Talking.

My diagnosis as an introvert is not new. I've known ever since I took the Myers-Briggs in college, and since then have had it affirmed as I aimed to learn more about the personality parameters examined in that instrument. And looking back, it explains a lot of my behavior up to that point: I revel in the opportunity to live by myself, am protective of personal space, detest small talk and superficial relationships, and am most energized when alone or in the company of a few close friends. But Cain went to great lengths to explain why, unlike my other traits (sensing, feeling, and judging, for the record), introversion was something that I struggled with so often.

To clarify, I don't struggle with the classification; I am accepting of introversion as being a part of who I am. But it turns out that like most cases where you are a minority, being in a state that defies the dominant culture is difficult. And without giving away too much of the book, Cain asserts that the majority of our world- social gatherings, workplaces, and especially schools- is designed for extroverts.

As with The Chemistry of Calm, the revelations of this book will not change my behavior. But I know that the knowledge contained within this incredibly relevant pair of books will stay with me. It'll make me better with family and friends, at work, and in my relationships. And it's nice to know that the "me" that I am has an explanation :)

What books have you "found yourself" in?

Professing My Love

Not Afraid to Say It.

February is, among other things, the month where we profess our love. And ladies and gentlemen, I have fallen in love. I’m not afraid to say it- I will shout it from the tops of the tallest buildings on campus. I love…my students.

Around this time last year, I was asked to participate in a panel of graduate students about what to expect from the College Student Affairs graduate program at the University of South Florida. One of the questions we received from a prospective CSA’er was “What is one thing you didn’t know about your grad experience that you wish you’d known when you started?” Many of my classmates talked about the importance of time management, about our close relationships with each other as a cohort, and our rapidly improving knowledge of APA format. While I agree with all that, I also cited the relationships we build with students through advising, supervising, and spending time together at events. And I think enough time has passed that I can say it out loud: I LOVE MY STUDENTS!

How do I love thee? Let me count the ways:

They’re funny. Whether it’s sharing a quote from a TV show, or laughing about something weird that happens at an event, or even a moment such as today’s where my production manager came to our executive board meeting wearing plastic gloves and we shared the following exchange:

ME: Jesse, are you having a germ issue?

JESSE: No, I’m having a STYLE issue.

It’s comforting to know that even on days where bosses may be expecting a lot, or deadlines are looming, or if I’m personally struggling, that I have students who can reliably make me smile.

They’re smart. This same group of students that can so reliably make me laugh, also makes me marvel at how observant, insightful and deliberative they can be. We’ve had meetings run late just as often with an aside about a local restaurant or movie, as we have about how to transform our volunteer program into a more educational and effective training process for incoming staff. They take a tremendous amount of pride in their work, and in the perception of their work. And it’s gratifying to know that they put as much thought into the work they do, as their advisors do.

They’re respectful. I think that we all know this is not always the case with college-aged students. They can be combative, resistant to direction, and just plain rude. But these students are respectful enough of my associate director, my graduate advisor, and myself that I feel comfortable being myself around them. This has not always been the case for me in my time as an advisor. I’ve worked with students who lacked the maturity for me to have collegial relationships with them. But because this group has collectively shown the capacity to be respectful, it has made me a more well-rounded advisor to them. I am happy that my students know me (within reason, of course!) as an advisor, an educator and a professional, but also as a person.

I could go on for days here. And I would love to with them- they should hear how much they’re appreciated. But the bottom line is this: when I was considering the places that I could work, a major factor in my decision was the students that I would get to work with. I’m so grateful for the ones I have, and look forward to another great semester with a group that I so genuinely enjoy.

Join the lovefest! What do you love about the students you work with?

REFLECTION! Went to College

Today I had the opportunity to hear Vice President Joe Biden speak at FSU about college affordability. I was so impressed by the passion that he showed about wanting to ensure that college was affordable for all who wished to be educated.
Among the many initiatives that he spoke about, the three year plan was floated as an option. I was reminded of the following post that I wrote not long after the Washington Post published an article about the "surprising" fact that three year college careers were not catching on. Here are my original words, published here for your perusal:

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/education/3-year-college-degree-programs-not-catching-on/2011/06/15/AGX7VYWH_story_1.html

I read this article this afternoon, and had a great many things to say on it. Ordinarily, these sorts of things are what I post in my statuses or on my wall. But, to quote Jerri Blank of "Strangers with Candy", ::Storms into room, likely knocking something over:: I'VE GOT SOMETHING TO SAY!

The premise of this article, for those who don't want to read the whole thing, discusses the largely failed attempts of colleges to successfully launch and sustain three year degree programs. While the benefit is having to spend less time in college, a financial pro, students are finding that they want to enjoy their college experience longer and opt to stay the extra amount of time.

I have a good amount to say on this, as someone who opted to spend only three years in college. Sometimes I joke and tell people that I entered student affairs as a means to make up for that lost year. While that's not entirely true, I think that there is something to be said for taking your time in college.

I am, as the article alludes to, a student who benefited from entering college with close to a year done already. Through AP and IB credits, I was essentially a sophomore when I started as a communications major at URI in 2004. As my course sequence progressed, I started to realize that I was running out of classes to take. I picked up minors in business and film, but still realized that I could finish in 2007, rather than the 2008 that my email address denoted. I had a friend tell me for the full extra year that my email address was wrong, but I wasn't too worried about that. With a sister ready to enter college, it made sense for me to take the extra year and go home.

However, the article ends roughly where this story has, up to this point: with the job search. Either because of disillusionment in my job prospects, or because of my age (I was only 20 when I left school), I struggled to find a job. And while we'd love to believe that age isn't as ripe a parameter for judgment as other more publicized means of discrimination, I feel that being done with college didn't always overcome the perceived lack of experience that came with a younger age. Looking several years younger than THAT didn't help.

Eventually, I rebounded (an internship with the City of Clearwater and a workforce development certificate led to a job in student activities, and the rest is history!), but the fact of the matter is, there was a struggle as the result of a three year path through college. I know of others who have taken this route that had similar experiences. So for those considering either side of the argument, know that I wouldn't change the experience that I've had (well, maybe that long stretch without a job- love where I landed, but the stress took a toll!).

But I would exercise caution when mulling the prospect of shortening the career. I absolutely love all the friends that I met while at URI, the ones that I went through orientation with and lived with. And in ending my academic career prematurely, I also cut short my time with those friends to move the 1500 miles back home. My academics and my friends are of equal importance to me, and choosing between them was a very very difficult decision. I'm a tremendous proponent of making informed decisions, and this is something that deserves more information.

Okay, speech over. As you were.

Fighting the Power?

In keeping with my post of last week about "stepping outside of the echo chamber", sometimes we come up against policies, trends or traditions at work that we don't agree with. I am a tremendous supporter of my university and the work that we do here. We develop some of the most hardworking, diligent, and good-hearted students that I've ever met. But sometimes...they're tough.

Without giving away too much, I will say that I have students who I work with less often that are challenging me a little bit. Unlike the students I advise (who are fantastic, by the way!), I don't have the opportunity to train these students, and yet I work with them pretty closely on a collaborative project. And while I know their hearts are fully committed to the project, and I LOVE to see their excitement as our project develops, they are not as giving with their time and focus as they are with their enthusiasm. I've essentially been told that the process will continue, however, even as their time put into the end product continues to wane.

As someone who truly treasures the opportunity to develop students, it frustrates me greatly that I don't have the chance to work with those students more closely to educate them on the initiative that they're supporting. Moreover, I bristle at the suggestion that they should have a sterling end result for something that they're not fully committed to. Part of that frustration comes from the fact that students who do have their full hearts, souls and schedules in their work, will be "covering for them". I've always been of the belief that the end result should reflect the work put into it...by ALL who are participating. Ultimately, I'm being asked to pick up the slack, and ask other students to do the same. That sits...well, in a shaky fashion with me.

I've managed to comfort myself with the understanding that I will have an opportunity to speak with the incoming new head of this group as soon as he is elected, and start to build a foundation for a more effective model, in a few weeks. And the rest? Well, it's going to be a matter of adjusting my attitude. The end result of this project reflects on me too, not just them. And I will do what I can to ensure that it goes off well.

How do you deal with discord between what you hope students will do, and what they actually do?

Blergh. Just...Blergh.

For the first time in quite a while, and absolutely for the first time at this particular job, I had a rough week at work. I've been antsy and exhausted, and never felt like I had a chance to recharge from the day before I woke up, and had to do it again.

This is not the first time I've felt this way, to be fair. Feeling too exhausted to be effective at work is by no means a new feeling. To use another Arrested Development reference in this post,

"I think this feeling that you're feeling, is what we call...a feeling."

Do I think I'm more aware of it because our field talks about it a lot? You betcha. Is it considered as big of a deal in other fields? Maybe, maybe not. But that's a discussion for a whole other day. For now, let's say this: it was a rough week at work. They happen.

But I will also say this: unlike my previous "first year" in a position, I have had a pretty good bad week. Why? I have support here. I have supervisors who will talk things out with me, help me solve some of the things that I struggle with. I have students who uplift me and make me smile even when I'm overwhelmed or exhausted. I have colleagues who help pick up the slack and also will help me smile through the ridiculousness. And I have friends who will talk through all of this with me, with their thumbs or with their words :)

I can honestly say that I had none of those things the last time I wanted to curl up and hide in my office.

So even as the intensity of the coming weeks is staring me in the face, I know that I'll be able to handle it. Moreover, I know that this is building me up to be a better supervisor down the road. Having the ability to contrast a less than ideal work decision with such a supportive one will help me make it to the end of those rough days, even when I can't see the way there on my own.

We all try to strike balance in our lives. Sometimes, we don't always make it there. How do you cope? Who helps you?